<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Egging Evil by The_Devil_In_The_Details_666</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262700">Egging Evil</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666/pseuds/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666'>The_Devil_In_The_Details_666</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Egomaniacs Getting Egged [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't even know if it counts as crack treated seriously, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, The second chapter is crack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:29:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,682</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262700</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666/pseuds/The_Devil_In_The_Details_666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joker kidnaps Jason again and faces the consequences.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne, Tim Drake/Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Egomaniacs Getting Egged [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>251</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jason clenched his fists behind his back, straining against the chains holding him as panic and rage roared in his chest. His heart raced as he glared at the bastard who had killed him, a crowbar loosely gripped in the fucker’s hand and that characteristic insane grin on his face. Joker cooed something that Jason couldn’t hear over the blood roaring in his ears, then raised the crowbar. Jason’s heart dropped, but, before Joker could bring the crowbar down, there was a blur of white and Joker stumbled back with a startled yell as an egg exploded against his face. In his surprise, he dropped the crowbar on his own head and then tripped over it, falling backwards onto the floor. A moment later, Tim dropped from the rafters as a second egg splattered across Joker’s chest. Tim wasted no time picking the locks on the chains around Jason’s wrists and hauled Jason to his feet, practically carrying Jason away from Joker. Moments later, Jason heard Joker give a shrill scream of “No! Bad birdy! That’s not very nice!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought of Damian alone with Joker made Jason start fighting against Tim’s grasp, trying to go back to protect his little brother until Tim stated, “It’s okay, Jay. B and N are with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Relief washed over Jason as Joker gave another shrill scream and Tim helped him into the Batmobile, climbing in beside him and closing the door before running his fingers through the hair that was exposed by the shattered side of Jason’s helmet and whispering, “I’m so sorry, Jay. I should’ve gotten there sooner or-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason reached out to drag Tim into his arms, tucking Tim’s head under his chin and interrupting, “You got there right in time, Baby Bird. And you egged the bastard, too, which is something I’ll be enjoying for the rest of my life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim squirmed slightly, then answered, “Actually, it was B who egged him. Apparently Alfred had sent him to buy eggs just before your distress message went out and he was out of Batarangs, so he made do while I got you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason couldn’t help his laugh, replaying the mental image of the egg hitting Joker’s face before picturing B, all stoic and Batty, having thrown it. The thought pulled more giggles out of him and Tim looked at him in concern, reaching towards the compartment on his belt where he kept antidotes. Jason caught his wrist and, between giggles, stated, “Not Joker venom. Just imaging B throwing the eggs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sentence pulled a giggle out of Tim, who relaxed and pulled his cowl off. Jason removed his shattered helmet and held Tim close as the door opened, admitting Damian and Dick, the former giving Jason a worried glare and the latter turning Mother-Hen mode up to 11. Moments later, Bruce dragged an unconscious, blood- and egg-covered Joker out of the warehouse by the hair and dropped him in a heap on the ground as police cars pulled up. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is indescribably stupid. You've been warned.</p><p>Also, shout-out to Johannahp, whose comment on the first chapter managed to inspired this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Batmobile pulled into the Cave, Bruce in the front seat and four of his former Robins squeezed in the back. Jason, despite having started against the door, had somehow wound up squished between Dick and Tim. Dick was, unsurprisingly, aggressively Mother-Henning and fussing over Jason, while Tim was just quietly squished between Jason and the door, his warm presence keeping Jason grounded and chasing away the cold that had lived in his bones since his death. As the Batmobile turned off, the five piled out and Dick bolted to the locker room to change, clearly intent on dragging them all up for a movie night as soon as he was out of his uniform. Bruce pulled off the cowl, eyes scanning over Jason for injuries so intently that Jason felt the need to crack a joke, if for no other purpose than to reassure Bruce that he was okay. And so, without thinking, Jason blurted, “If you can’t kill the Joker, I’ll accept you egging him. You’ll definitely need to turn in some extra credit if you want a good grade, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim let out a choked noise and hid his face in Jason’s shoulder, half-laughing and half-crying as he asked, “What the fuck, Jay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce’s face twitched in surprise before he gave a hesitant smile, querying, “What sort of extra credit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason hummed thoughtfully, then let a mischievous grin slide across his face and answered, “Oh, I have an idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Two days later, Tim walked down to the Cave to find the reveal of Bruce’s mystery ‘extra credit assignment’. Bruce was standing in the Cave, dressed in a modified Batsuit and looking like he would rather just fail the metaphorical class, and Jason was in a heap on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks as he howled with laughter. Tim had to turn away to hide his laughter at the sight of Bruce in the modified Batsuit and, after about a minute of deep breathing exercises to prevent himself from joining Jason on the floor, managed to look back at Bruce and state, “This is… There really are no words, Bruce. What a look. I think you should make this your permanent uniform.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce looked distinctly unamused, but Jason’s laughter increased by roughly 10 decibels, so Tim didn’t care about Bruce’s lack of entertainment as he retrieved one of his cameras from his work desk and snapped a picture. He was a little surprised at Bruce not protesting the photo, but the thought was quickly set aside as he looked at the photo. The lighting made the egg-yolk yellow of the suit’s body really pop against the rounded white cape and, without the characteristic pointy ears and harsh lines, the suit really did make Bruce look like the world’s largest fried egg. Jason’s laughter quieted and he lay on the floor for a few minutes, wheezing for breath and wiping the tears from his face. Finally, he stood up, still sounding slightly breathless as he stated, “Tonight, you will be patrolling as Eggman, Gotham’s newest hero who uses eggs to deter criminals.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim had to press a hand to his mouth to muffle his laughter and Bruce nodded, starting towards a bright yellow motorcycle. Before he could reach it, however, Jason cleared his throat and asked, “Where are you starting patrol?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce looked like he was in pain, but, after several long minutes, stated, “32nd Street.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And just like that, Tim was in a heap on the floor, mirthful tears streaming down his cheeks. Jason must have modified the voice modulator in the suit, because the result was that Bruce sounded like he had spent the last few months huffing helium. Jason pretty quickly joined Tim on the floor, both laughing loudly enough to drown out the sound of the motorcycle pulling out of the Cave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later, Tim was on his patrol, swinging by where his route overlapped Bruce’s, when he heard a man’s voice yell, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without missing a beat, Tim swung towards the voice, where he found Bruce perched on a fire escape over a man with a scarf tied around the lower half of his face and a knife in his hand. The man, presumably a mugger or something similar, was covered in egg bits and Tim managed to start recording his lens feed just before the mugger shouted, “DID YOU FUCKING LAY EGGS ON ME?!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce made a sound like air being slowly let out of a balloon, presumably a sigh, and Tim made a similar noise as he tried desperately to keep it together. Then Bruce announced, “I am Eggman, Gotham’s newest protector! Fear me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim could practically feel his soul leave his body as he tried to hold back his laughter and, just as he thought it couldn’t get any better, a familiar form descended from the Heavens. Dick, dressed in his old Batsuit, dropped down onto the fire escape beside Bruce, just barely suppressing the glee in his voice as he greeted, “Eggman. Good work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce looked like he was wishing he had never had children and the mugger half-wailed, “Why is Gotham so fucking weird?!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce leaped down from the fire escape, cape flaring out dramatically, and the mugger just collapsed onto the alleyway floor, holding his hands out to be cuffed. Bruce pulled out a pair of bright yellow cuffs, closing them around the mugger’s wrists, then looked up as a familiar spotlight showed up against the clouds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The look on Commissioner Gordon’s face when Tim, Dick, and Bruce arrived on the roof of the police station was, in a word, </span>
  <em>
    <span>priceless</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was clearly baffled by Bruce, but, to his credit, he just nodded at the three and greeted, “Nightwing. Why are you back in the Batsuit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dick grinned, answering, “Nothing gets by you, does it, Commish? I’m filling in for Bats while he, ah, does an </span>
  <em>
    <span>extra credit project</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What’ve you got for us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a flicker of surprise and confusion, then Tim could visibly see Gordon give up and just accept it as he stated, “Right. Sure. Riddler has managed to escape Arkham.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes kept darting to Bruce and Tim could see Dick having to fight back a smile as he introduced, “Commissioner Gordon, this is Eggman. Eggman, Commissioner Gordon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bruce nodded respectfully and Gordon closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose for a minute and muttering, “I’m not even asking. I don’t want to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim nodded wisely, answering, “Probably for the best, Commissioner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon just looked tired as he laid out what they knew of Riddler’s location and plans, then, as Dick and Bruce, swung away, turned to Tim and, sounding like he couldn’t believe the words leaving his mouth, asked, “Red Robin, care to explain why Batman is dressed up like a fried egg?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face and answered, “Like Nightwing said, he’s doing an extra credit project.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he dove off the roof, swinging towards where Bruce and Dick thought Riddler would be hiding out.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The mental image of Eggman will haunt me for the rest of my life and I hope it will haunt all of you. But hey, if anyone wants to draw him, I'd love to see it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>